on November 28, 2022
Here at The Connect Group, we don’t just encourage clients to reflect, we practice reflection for ourselves too! We do it (and encourage you to do so too) because of how beneficial it is…
- It fosters gratitude
- It provides guidance for strategic growth in the year to follow
- It highlights our areas of growth
- It allows us to affirm ourselves for what we have achieved
With that in mind, our resident Social Worker, Kayla-Tess Pattenden has some key reflections to share with you all. She really practices what she preaches to clients here as her reflections are truly vulnerable.
If my 2022 were a Tumblr Quote it would be…
You don’t grow when you are comfortable.
Working in a private school environment was a very stretching experience. It was a move away from all familiar, comfortable and predictable back in 2020 and an intentional step into growth and discomfort. 2022 in particular saw the discomfort climax in both the best professional developments and the most challenging and painful experiences too. Along with the climatic discomfort came rapid growth – growth enough to step into this next season of full time private practice and family growth, with confidence.
If you play small you stay small. Remember it is okay to want more, do more, be more.
I wish to express my security in self with humility…this sometimes means I will silence myself to ensure space, opportunity and conversation is shared. Discerning between when minimizing oneself is helpful versus when it steals from progress and minimizes one’s growth has been an ongoing battle this year. I anticipate it will continue to be a balancing act and rightfully so. I, however, am moving into the new year owning that I want more – want to offer more, teach more, earn more, be known for my contributions to the world. Owning this has been so liberating, and is a step away from being minimized where it is not helpful!
Own my feelings and express them out loud!
Moving into 2023 I am most conscious of a need to own my feelings out loud. I emphasize out loud because I am very aware of my feelings internally – I often engage in full ‘therapy’ and/or a full rant in my head but this doesn’t ever get expressed out loud. I express it in what I understand to be a controlled and gentle manner. I have, however, been made aware that it is experienced as passive aggressive. Owning my feelings means full vulnerability to the extent of my feelings- it is okay to let people in prior to ‘sorting them out’ and feeling in control of them… wow! This is a scary one- vulnerability here we come.
Award worthy moments in 2022
Painting our Home
A fresh coat of paint on our home was a big and beautiful result of time and money and energy put into our home over the past few years. Progress is slow when it comes to renovations and to experience such a big and evident ‘show’ of that change is really affirming- it affirms hard work behind the scenes and affirms that we are making progress towards the life we want for ourselves.
Supervision Training
I hosted my first CPD approved, full day, paid training this year! And what an absolute gift it was to be affirmed in my skillset, passion and ability to train and upskill others. On the back of this pilot training, I am planning many more training opportunities in 2023 and beyond. It was a spring into an untapped capacity of my profession that I am excited to explore in 2023 and beyond. So watch this space!
Resigning from my current work space
Saying goodbye is hard. Saying goodbye is not a simplistic decision where the cons evidently outweigh the pros… There are still pros, joyful moments, beautiful people, exciting opportunities and what is hard is that we are saying goodbye to the cons AND THE PROS. This speaks to another key learning for this year: decisions are rarely if ever binary- they are both happy and sad, serving some and not others, easy and challenging. So in leaving I am celebrating what is right about the decision to leave, but holding space for what feels sad and ‘unfinished’ in departing.
Whilst I won’t go into the below achievements in detail, they are definitely worth mentioning…
- Rocking the meal prep!
- Beginning our adoption process
- Planning & Implementing 2 Life Skills Camps
The Biggest Blessings of 2022
Family, family, family
The consistency of family practically, emotionally and socially steals the spotlight this year. Whether it is the consistency of Sunday Lunch, the right balance between humour and vulnerable conversations, always saying yes to last minute childcare requests so we don’t miss work, or transporting (and carrying) large furniture across the city- consistency is a gift!
Private Practice Growth
I am so incredibly grateful that organic growth has taken place- the kind of growth that to some degree doesn’t feel merited because I haven’t invested much in it. Reflecting on this further I actually realize the investment has been there though it hasn’t been in the public, marketing space. The investment has been in session with clients, developing rapport, serving clients fully so that their progress ‘markets itself’. So, despite me having not started my tiktok account and etsy store for the practice, the clients are still flowing in and the practice is running beautifully- so much so that I can move into practice full time next year. I think this is the appropriate time to say #Blessed!
Our L-Shaped Sofa, Back Tickles and Netflix
This is relatable and self-explanatory right? At the end of every day, a small and predictable pleasure is Netflix, a back rub and some Schitt’s Creek (our most recent entertainment worm hole). It is incredible that an hour at the end of the day no matter how good or bad a day, can be made better with a little Netflix and chill time on the L-shaped sofa (and yes, L-Shapes are the most comfy).
A few more honourable mentions…
- Zumba and Pilates each week
- Nail Care- Big shout out to Lusharno my nail tech for always doing ‘the most’ for my nails!
Growth Points for 2023
Reconnect with a Church Community
The pandemic has lingered in our home this year in that we remain comfortable ‘couch churchers’. This is entirely not necessary anymore but a ‘comfort’ we have become used to to our own detriment. We are routinely getting back into church attendance. Our commitment to church will intensify in 2023 as we officially become church members, join a midweek life group and get involved in a voluntary ministry. We look forward to our faith growing even more as we know that it grows best when supported by community.
Family Breakfast instead of family dinner
Growing up I recall daily family meals around the dinner table- this was a beautiful norm of good intentional nutrition and connection as we each shared the highlights and lowlights of our day with each other. An experience I took for granted for sure! Now as an adult trying to establish routines of connection and healthy eating too, I reflect thankfully on the wonderful family meal blueprint my family gave me. Going into 2023 we are acknowledging that dinner is not the best time for this family meal because my counselling practice often takes place in the afternoons and evenings. So we are restructuring: Pattenden family, prepare for Family Breakfast each and every weekday morning!
Swim in the ocean more regularly
2022 saw me swimming in the ocean more frequently than ever before. This isn’t saying much considering I only swam about 30 times this year. But this is more than ever before and a movement toward intentionally getting into the water even when it is cold (which in my experience is very often). The practice of going at least once a week is something I wish to continue practicing. If not for the refreshing sun kissed and salty fresh water, for the self-discipline and mind over body experience which Wim Hoff has promised me (and I sometimes think I get glimpses of in between frantic breaths). I am excited to engage my clientele in cold water dips too knowing that it is a natural mood stabalizer and decreases self harm tendencies by stimulating the pain receptors in the same way self-harm stimulates them. So… watch this space for The Connect Group Cold Water Therapy Club incoming!
I need to be led well
I went into 2022 with the intention to be part of a team and to work under the guidance and supervision of a team leader. This is always a challenge when you have been a leader before- it was however necessary in teaching me collaborative skills, team work and humility. With growth having taken place in these areas, I am equipped to lead again with greater humility and sensitivity toward employees under my supervision. I am conscious that my future leaders need to be strong role models, guiding me toward improvement- for in the absence of a leader I feel I can develop from, I tend to become self-reliant and disregard the leadership above me. I am aware of this having happened, so have managed it sensitively. Simultaneously though I recognize I would have thrived and grown more under a leader whom inspires me to be better.
Let’s honour her vulnerability with reflecting vulnerably on our year too. Feel free to download our Free Reflections Worksheet should you need some guidance.
Happy Reflecting!