on May 11, 2023
At The Connect Group, the month of April was ‘Self-Confidence Month’ where we leapt into discussions around self-love, body image and confidence. The movement towards self-love has been around for several years, however we wanted to put a personal touch on it. So, rather than reposting the somewhat overused general self-love quotes, we decided to approach real women, all from different walks of life, who were open to sharing their personal journeys with self-love. We titled this series, ‘Self-Love Sessions: Submissions’ and through these ladies’ raw and honest answers we got a glimpse into the reality of self-love; the good, the bad and the ugly.
These are the brave and confident women who shared their insights…
Kayla-Tess Pattenden
If you follow The Connect Group, you might recognize this face. Kayla-Tess, commonly referred to as KT, is the founder, face of and resident social worker at The Connect Group. A passionate, driven and hardworking woman KT is paving the way for change in the social work world. She is loud and proud, and never afraid to use her voice to empower others. Her confidence is contagious! Outside of the office, she is a loving wife and mother to two boys. Her self-love journey is deeply personal and strongly linked to her faith. The link to her Instagram is here: https://www.instagram.com/ktpattenden/
She is loud and proud, and never afraid to use her voice to empower others. Her confidence is contagious!
Nadia Jacobs
Three words to describe Nadia Jacobs would be ‘Family. Fashion’ Running.’, as said in her Instagram bio. These three words truly capture what is most important to Nadia; first and foremost, she is a wife and mother of two children. However, one look at her Instagram will prove she is the definition of a ‘cool mom’ who really puts the ‘fashion’ in fashionista. Her bold and fabulous fashion sense really oozes confidence. Finally, she is an avid runner. Having completed the 2022 Comrades Marathon, it’s clear she isn’t afraid of a challenge. Having had several challenging experiences growing up, Nadia’s journey to self-confidence has not been an easy one. Her Instagram can be found here: https://www.instagram.com/jacobsnadia/
Her bold and fabulous fashion sense really oozes confidence.
Sharon van Wyk
Last, but definitely not least, we have local influencer Sharon van Wyk. Sharon has stormed the influencer world through her openness and honesty. Her very real and raw stories and captions are a breath of fresh air amidst the manicured and fake posts that flood our social media feeds. She has shared her experiences of adoption, marriage, mental health, body image… you name it! Her journey of self-love and confidence is scattered around her social media, and it’s empowering to see such vulnerability and relatability. You can find her Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/sharon.van.wyk/
Her very real and raw stories and captions are a breath of fresh air amidst the manicured and fake posts that flood our social media feeds.
These three women have bravely shared their journeys with us, and as you read them below, we encourage you to reflect on what your answers might have been…
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My confidence comes from…
Kayla-Tess: My confidence feels spiritual, it is a security in self beyond what is explainable in the physical. The source is definitely an awareness that there is God-given purpose and intention behind my existence and why I am made the way I am.
Nadia: My confidence comes from my experiences and how I’ve learned to react to different situations. I was raised by a single mom and her determination and strength, dealing with uncomfortable situations, taught me valuable life lessons. I have a lot of confidence in my ability to be insightful; when friends and family come to me, I feel a sense of absolute confidence, knowing and I can support them. I keep my circles small and they, in turn, are my support structure who boost my morale and confidence. Through honouring my boundaries and promises I make to myself, setting small goals and achieving them, I continue growing.
Sharon: I think I’d have to say my life experiences. The older I get, the more confident I get, the less I worry about what others think, the more confident I become. Definitely also from the small community I have grown online, I feel like I get as much from my community as they get from me, we feed off each other and encourage each other to be brave and true and the braver I am, the braver I become, and my confidence grows alongside that.
“there is God-given purpose and intention behind my existence and why I am made the way I am”
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If I could tell a younger, shyer, version of myself one piece of advice it would be…
Kayla-Tess: You are not too much for the world. Don’t dim yourself down for others, you think this equates acceptance but it’s a false representation of you and therefore, false acceptance.
Nadia: Stop caring so much what everyone things about you. Don’t get to caught up in the approval of society. Criticism is just someone else opinion. Don’t let that voice, telling you that you are not good or pretty enough, fuel your fear. Learn to forgive quickly and be kind to yourself. Don’t let pain harden your heart and make sure you don’t shut out everyone dear to you. Instead, learn from the difficult times and use it to help others. Its, ok to fail. You’ll get up again and kick ass!
Sharon: I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that I am SO MUCH MORE powerful than I ever believed. I am braver, stronger, smarter and more beautiful than I would ever have believed as a young woman crippled by negative self-talk and a strong belief in my low value.
“It’s okay to fail. You’ll get up again and kick ass!”
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My negative self-talk is sometimes still triggered by…
Kayla-Tess: Comparison to others. I have to remind myself that I am enough and don’t have to ‘grind’ to be more all the time. Seeing others ‘more’ definitely triggers the need to grow and produce and be better.
Nadia: By being around negative people; their sarcastic comments or jokes trigger my negative self-talk. Society’s view on what I am supposed to act like has been a huge trigger in these last few years as well.
Sharon: Making a mistake. I am extremely hard on myself and hold myself to very high values and standards. I absolutely hate making mistakes and when I do, I immediately revert back to the internal dialogue of not being enough, not smarter enough or good enough.
Comparison. Negative people. Making mistakes.
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I want to encourage you to move into spaces that highlight your self-worth and self-esteem because…
Kayla-Tess: It centralizes your voice and perspective of self over the voices of the world. Spaces like these put a microphone to your voice of self-affirmation which will 100% crowd out all the other negative voices of the world.
Nadia: Self-improvement begins with learning things about yourself; your own goals, desires, likes and dislikes. Becoming comfortable being yourself reduces the constant concern about what everyone else is thinking or saying about you. However, sometimes it takes others to show you how special you are, through their eyes. When surrounded by positive people who truly care about your wellbeing, it is refreshing seeing yourself through their eyes.
Sharon: It’s quite honestly the most empowering gift you can give yourself. It’s a true act of self-love and whether you believe it or not right now, you absolutely deserve that.
“It’s quite honestly the most empowering gift you can give yourself…. you absolutely deserve that.”
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Examples of these spaces include:
Our Self-Love Sessions
The Connect Group will be hosting a ‘Self-Love Sessions’ group which focuses on growing self-esteem and confidence. This group promises to be exciting, challenging, and transformative – the perfect space for those wanting to step out of their comfort zone and into greater self-love!
Contact admin@theconnectgroup.co.za to find out when our next group is running!
Samantha Jackson Photography
Samantha is a Cape Town based boudoir photographer who works magic behind the camera and leaves women feeling incredibly confident. The joy of Samantha’s work lies in her ability to allow women to see themselves through a different lens; a less critical and more appreciative lens. We think everyone should experience this magic at least once. Samantha has partnered with The Connect Group, so stay tuned for future collaborations and exciting opportunities. You can check out her socials here:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/samanthajacksonboudoir
Instagram: https://rb.gy/h85s4
Women’s Warehouse
This fantastic organization was founded by women, for women. Women’s Warehouse focuses on empowering women (and even men) all across South Africa through education and awareness. They run several workshops throughout the year, all tackling different key issues. One such event is their ‘My V and Me PJ Parties’; a literal pyjama party hosted in several cities around South Africa where women come together learn about women’s intimate health and challenge the stigmas around menstruation. A pj party with a purpose? Count me in!
To find out more about Women’s Warehouse and their events visit their website here: https://womanswarehouse.co.za/
Spend time with friends and family that uplift & encourage you
A simple, yet equally as powerful option. Self-love can be difficult, so why not lean on those around you on those days that just feel a little more difficult than others? We can guarantee you there are people in your life that can cite endless lists of reasons why you are great and worthy, so surround yourself with them! Sometimes a little encouragement and affirmation from someone in our lives can make the world of difference. So, we encourage you to seek out those people in your life that leave you feeling just a little more confident.
We want to thank each of these women for being willing to share openly and honestly with us. Hearing such real stories is a healthy reminder that everyone’s journey looks different and that none of us are alone in it. Most importantly though, we hope these stories have served as a reminder that you are worthy and deserve to be and feel loved; by others, and more importantly, yourself.
So, here’s to you! May you love yourself loudly, shamelessly and fiercely!